so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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