she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
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I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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