Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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