I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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