my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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