Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize