my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
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Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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