A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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