found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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