Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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