every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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