I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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