You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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