I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize