someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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