sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize