i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize