Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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