Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less

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  (586): Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less http://tfl.nu/ah1z
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  (650): View more from California

  Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___

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  (650): Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___ http://tfl.nu/djlq
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.

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  (801): I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials. http://tfl.nu/rax4
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  (727): View more from Florida

  He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.

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  (727): He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass. http://tfl.nu/11ss
  Replies (8) Good night (878) Bad night (4461) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.

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  (908): ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library. http://tfl.nu/ghke
  Replies (34) Good night (6767) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life

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  (516): I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life http://tfl.nu/k5dc
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.

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  (304): it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast. http://tfl.nu/xssi
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified

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  (603): More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified http://tfl.nu/si7g
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days

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  (410): You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days http://tfl.nu/jiwq
  Replies (4) Good night (482) Bad night (1297) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  At least you have booty calls.

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china

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  (901): At least you have booty calls. (1-901): True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china http://tfl.nu/6dg2
  Replies (7) Good night (1414) Bad night (427)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.

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  (225): Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds. http://tfl.nu/ti8j
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  (904): View more from Florida

  That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.

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  (904): That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots. http://tfl.nu/foo4
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!

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  (815): I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!! http://tfl.nu/xnab
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  (818): View more from California

  I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving

  (1-818): View more from California

  At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.

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  (818): I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving (1-818): At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it. http://tfl.nu/g80b
  Replies (1) Good night (673) Bad night (202)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.

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  (425): THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES. http://tfl.nu/y1ns
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