I looked at my own cervix.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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