Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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