He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize