after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
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It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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