one might say we're banned from that church
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
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Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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