Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
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Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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