just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
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The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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