The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
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I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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