mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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