so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize