drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
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that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
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This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He shit in the fireplace
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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