My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize