I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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