I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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