before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just want nice things and good sex
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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