he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
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This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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