you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
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I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
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You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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