A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize