It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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