why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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