Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
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So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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