Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize