how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
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Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
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I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So vagazzling was a success
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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