ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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