I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
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He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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