Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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