I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize