they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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