meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
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i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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