Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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