either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
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she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
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I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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